THE EXHAUSTION OF BUILDING YOUR LIFE AROUND MEN
Dear sister,
Have you ever felt like your life only begins to matter when a man notices you? I’ve been there—shrinking myself into roles and relationships that left me numb, unseen, and spiritually exhausted. My worth became tied to eyes that glanced over me, hearts that never truly held me, and words that never quite affirmed who I was in Christ.
In my micro-memoir Fragments of Becoming, I share a humbling truth: I once believed I needed a man to survive. I believed my value was found in approval I didn’t receive, in bodies I gave, in tears shed over doors that never opened. My sole currency was my ability to be desired—desired by someone who couldn’t truly value me.
“Neediness is the biggest thing that causes women to center their lives around men,” I said in my reflection. I didn’t even hear myself at first—it sounded like truth, because it was mine. Every outfit, every smile, every gift—I gave pieces of myself away, hoping that somehow, somewhere, it meant I was enough. But the cycle of pain just repeated.
Recognizing the Trap
The enemy loves a needy woman, I realized. I call her “needy” not in shame, but in clarity—because unless you call what’s broken something, you’ll keep feeding it. The moment we become spiritually hungry, we reach for anything that looks like fulfillment.
“Men are going to toss and throw you about like garbage,” I confessed. And it wasn’t hyperbole. My soul was battered—passed from relationship to relationship, devoured by emotional rollers, only to be abandoned and forgotten. My days were consumed with pursuing safety and validation from broken vessels.
I thought being desired would mean being secure. It wasn’t until I broke free from that cycle that I realized: what I needed was not from them. What my soul craved was not found in someone’s affection or attention—it was an invitation into His Presence.
My turning point came when the Spirit whispered—over and over—“You’ve disconnected from your Source.” I had brought men into the center of my altar, displacing the One who made me, known me before I even drew breath.
That day, I made a choice. I let the cords fall. I ceased breathing around who they wanted me to be. I wept rivers of regret over choices that hurt my womb, my heart, my calling. I walked into the wilderness of transformation with the Word as my guide and prayer as my sword.
Gradually, healing happened. Not because I was strong—but because He was. I discovered something astonishing: I do not belong to any man. I belong to God. Not a father, not a lover, not a counselor. And once that truth rooted deep in me, my heart no longer bled at their rejection. My identity found its home in Him.
Lessons in the Wilderness
And oh, the lessons that followed:
A. You Belong to God First
I like to remind every woman reading these words—you were crafted by God before any man looked at you. You were spoken into existence, predestined, known intimately. Men do not define you. They are gifts, but never your foundation.
Scripture declares it over you:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)
This is your daily anthem—especially on days you feel overlooked, used, or unworthy.
B. Neediness is Not Your Calling
You were wired for divine dependency—from a Father who sees your tears and delights in your whisper. Neediness is not holy; reliance on Him is. Every moment you run to people first, you steal the opportunity for your soul to meet its Maker.
When I cut men off, I realized that what I was chasing was a thirst only He could satisfy.
C. True Identity Doesn’t Chase
There was a freedom in no longer needing to “get him to like me.” I stopped people-pleasing. I stopped dimming my word for the sake of peace. I learned that standing firm in who He created me to be repels anything or anyone that doesn’t belong to my story.
Breaking Free for Purpose
What often happens in our Christian circles—perhaps because we value relationships—is that we give too much to the wrong hands. We let men lead us in ways that disobey the One who made us. We wear ourselves out meeting expectations, begging for connection, settling for scraps.
Yet, God wired us differently. Even if there were no men on earth, He would still provide for you. He already knows your needs—He’s the Creator, after all. He understands the logistics of healing more than we can even map in prayer.
“He created man and then created woman. Then He said, ‘You belong to Him.’”
That profound order whispers of divine intent—You aren’t optional. You aren’t secondary. You aren’t defined by who loves or leaves you.
I remember the first morning after my breakthrough like it was yesterday. I woke up and didn’t feel the familiar tension—like I needed to message him, proof my worth, perform love with labor. I whispered, “I’m still enough.”
That was powerful.
My identity in Christ became the oxygen for my soul. I walked; I spoke; I smiled—not because I was seeking approval, but because I was rooted in acceptance. For the first time: love wasn’t wrapped around my performance; it was wrapped around my existence.
And in that existence, everything changed.
Transforming More Than Just Me
This journey doesn’t end with me. The healing, the holy reconstruction—I believe it's meant to flow through God’s Light Therapy into the hearts of many.
Because when a woman stands in her divine design—no longer chasing what won’t define her—she becomes a beacon of light. She carries hope for other lost souls. She becomes proof that you don’t need saving by people—you are already saved by Jesus.
Every session offered through God’s Light Therapy is rooted in that truth: you belong to Him. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about unveiling who you already are. It’s a place to gently let fall the burdens of performance and let the truth of your birthright in Christ activate everything in you.
Healing as a Kingdom Ripple
And there’s more: this healing isn’t for private gain. Every session sows into the kingdom.
➡️ Donation-based: so healing is accessible.
➡️ Every gift supports homeless children—feeding them, clothing them, educating them.
Your breakthrough literally becomes someone else’s blessing. When you rise, you light a path for a child without shoes. When you say yes to your healing, you say yes to generational impact.
Sis, if any part of you whispered while reading this—“Yes… that’s me”—then this is your invitation:
➡️ To stop carrying a burden that wasn’t yours.
➡️ To stop being someone’s shadow just to feel seen.
➡️ To walk home to your Source.
➡️ To rediscover your identity in the One who never left you.
God’s Light Therapy is here—Spirit-led, heart-held, and kingdom-rooted. You enter not alone, but with someone who’s walked through the darkness and come out on the other side. A someone who knows healing is not optional—it’s essential.
If you’re tired...
If your soul is exhausted from being overlooked, from needing to prove yourself, from giving pieces of you that don’t belong to the kingdom—book a session.
Let’s walk this journey together.
Let’s speak truth over your pain.
Let’s reconnect you to the Power that made you—and loves you—just as you are.
There. You don’t have to hide. You don’t have to prove. You just have to come. His arms are open.
🕊️ He already sees you. He already knows you. He already calls you “Mine.”
– With love,
Joy.